The 2001 Drinking Triathlon

The day was wet and windy, but Fat Cat had done his best to rig up a tarp to keep the competitors and crowd dry. We left from Trailfinders to the divorcee house in Perivale with a small bus load of die-hards.

Shit house turn up for the club, but the games must go on. The competitors, Cindy, Dirt, Welshy, Pipes where all there early, with Cindy looking to take them all out with a fast drinking display. But Lach got on the phone to Brooksy and said there was a poor turn out, and would he be able to leave his girlfriends arms and get out to Perivale to make a contest of it.

The esky turned up minutes later and Brooksy was dry as a chip. The games then got under way. 4 cans of Heineken, 1 bottle of wine, then four Brandy shots for all competitors before they could say they had finished.

No sooner the flag had waved for the start of the comp than Brooksy was onto his second beer. The break neck pace was all a joke until he finished his second one in three big sips and commenced his third. Cindy the hot favourite and the others were still finishing their first, and Brooksy had commenced his fourth. "Thirsty??" were the words mentioned to Brooksy by Pipes in amazement. Dirt and Welshy quietly sipping on their first watching in total amazement.

With 4 beers down in 10 minutes it was onto the bottle of wine, Brooksy made it look easy as it went down like cordial. The expression on his face after each gulp was priceless. The other four boys were laughing and giggling watching the professional down the grog. Cindy had blown out to 100 to 1 after the break neck speed, and joined in the festivities with the boys after relinquishing the win.

Then the wine had been downed and it was only the shots to go, but many a man had been broken here. Cindy was onto the wine and Pipes had donned the bikini for the swim leg or the wine leg to the uninitiated. Brooksy’s nose was pinned with a peg to get the Brandy down, but the reaction after each swallow was again priceless. Maybe the peg should have been on the mouth to keep it all in. But after the last shot, the World Record had been beaten, 29 Minutes and 45 seconds, Damien Brooksy was to go into the history books. The fish and chips that he had eaten before he arrived ended up on the ground after the relentless struggle to keep it all in.

Cindy came a close second - an hour behind the winner. Welshy third, with an amazing drinking effort for him. I am sure he didn’t see it like that on Sunday morning in the fetal postion on the shower floor. Then Pipes, great effort in the swim suit, but I am pretty sure he would have failed the drugs test after the event, I am sure it wasn’t just alcohol in the system. Still drinking is Dirt, he has the wine bottle at home and is quietly edging to the end before the weekend. Well done teach, the kids would be proud.

Thanks very much to Slates, Fat Cat and Deano for the use of their house. Fat Cat great work. And I am sure when Mattress gets back he will be protesting about the record he used to hold. There is plenty of room on the footy trip for a match race. What do you think ????

No-one could hold that brandy down!